I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just gift wrapped bread.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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