I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
