I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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