I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
