I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize