I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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