you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
