You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
