Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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