i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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