you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i need some magic done to my vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
