So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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