Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize