I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
