Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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