why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
