Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
