i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
