And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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