Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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