The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think my moral compass just broke
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