Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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