i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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