I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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