do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
