i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
