Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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