My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
