I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
