my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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