I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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