Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
