I feel great
I just peed on a car
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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