Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize