this beer tastes like vomit already
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
