the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize