We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A bitchslap is in order.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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