soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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