did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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