We won't sleep together?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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