a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
