I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize