based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
