i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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