i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
