Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
