I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
