she was so not down for the gang bang
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
