your parents love me but you hate me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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