my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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