Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize