omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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