Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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