Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
