I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
