he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
