I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
