I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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