There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
