As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
