im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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