is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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