TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
