I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
