I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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