life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
