i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Your penis caused this!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
