how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
