So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Boobs are out for the taking
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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