hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize