there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
