My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need a sexual gate keeper
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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