just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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