they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
