I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
