I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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