I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
only you would photoshop your dick
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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